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my first post from my phone.

still a negative Nancy.

Mar. 25th, 2010

I have nothing positive to say.

Air dry your emotions.

I've been sleeping so strange at night
Side effects they don't advertise
I've been sleeping so strange
With a head full of pesticide


I need to stop being a bum and make a group that pretty much consists of Allison and Kim, so I can go into further ranting detail of what a whiney bitch I am. AMAZING! 

Suffice to say, exes are exes for a reason, and this has been re-enforced. Holy smokes, people are assholes! 

I'm not thoroughly convinced I'm the bee's knees, but gee whiz, people are terrible.


I don't know how they sleep at night.

Alex

I knew this guy on the internet from 12-16. I guess four years, nine years ago, shouldn't be that big of a deal. But if it weren't for him, I wouldn't even know Allison. I don't know. It's been nine years. I suppose people are supposed to just shrug off people from the past, but he's the one person I wonder about more than anyone else from my past. I miss him and I want so badly to know that he's still alive and okay. I do internet searches for him all the time. I'm usually pretty fantastic at internet stalking, but I can't find anything about him. It really bothers me.

I don't know why, but the other day Erica said something and it made me dig around my closet and get out this old shoebox filled with pictures and letters from years passed.

I didn't even realize I still had some of his old letters. I suppose I avoid that box like the plague because there are a lot of pictures of me and Brad in there, also letters from him. Also funny letters. Inspirational letters. Concerned letters. So many letters from random times and random people. Buried at the bottom was a few letters from Alex. Though there were many, only one of them had a return address.

I realize that chances aren't good that he's at the same place he was nine years ago. People move. Especially kids. They're supposed to grow up and move out, unless they're extreme fuck ups such as myself.  But maybe, just maybe, his mom or his sister still live there and they could pass it on to him wherever he is. I don't know. It's a long shot, but I know I have to try.

I spent an entire hour writing and re-writing the shortest letter I've ever written.

I'm going out to the mailbox and then going to sleep.

Hey look! I'm blathering!

So my goal all week was to try to start going to be earlier and waking up earlier, because on Friday and then for the next two months (at least, probably the rest of my life as a medical assistant) I'll be doing the whole 9-5 jazz.

So far, I'm failing miserably!!!

I DID wake up at 10:00am this morning..err, yesterday morning..thanks to Jesseca hanging out with me, which was grand. But I didn't fall asleep until 7:00am, so I only got three hours of sleep. So you'd think I would have been so sleepy that I would have been able to go to sleep immediately, and at a reasonable hour tonight, no? Didn't happen.

I've just now discovered the amazingety (yes, I declare this a word!) that is www.hulu.com.

This awesome dame told me about this movie <a href=http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0221559/ target=new>On the Edge</A>. At first I figured I'd just watch a little bit of it, go to bed and finish the rest tomorrow. Yeah. That didn't work out. I finished the whole movie. I think the portrayal of the nut house was inaccurate, but it's always over glamorized in books/movies/shows. It was still an effin' awesome movie, and I recommend people go watch it...for free...at hulu.com.

Egads. Someone write my mycobacterium tuberculosis paper for me. It's due in 13 hrs. =p

I'm off to chase the sleep fairy!

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